listen to the sound of my shaky heart

Yesterday was a good day. Today is a bad day. This morning I found Mama Eula throwing all of my grandfather’s things away. She’s furious because he’s taken her money and run off with another woman. When I try to explain that he’s coming back soon, Mama Eula’s eyes widen and she usually says, “When he does, I’ll kill him.” But sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes she says, “Well, I’ll just go down,” and then she motions to the lake, “and drown myself over there.” She then presses her lips together, and if I don’t respond, she adds for emphasis, “Then you’ll …

Continue reading

Sophia & Mama Eula & Me

Well, we made it through the night, kind of. Mama Eula woke us up at 5am by turning on all the lights in the house. She seemed surprised to find us asleep in our beds. I quickly turned them off and led her outside into the kitchen, allowing S to get back to sleep. My body felt slightly sick from so little sleep (we stayed up reading until early morning). “I was just looking for everyone,” she explained as she waved her hands around, “and I didn’t see no one.” The worry shown on her face. “But now I found …

Continue reading

Oh, what is this feeling? [Anxiety in our scary world].

I’m scared. Over the past few years I have noticed a pretty significant change with myself: I’ve become a paranoid scaredy-cat.  I used to be afraid of nothing. Yep friends, let me repeat that, I used to be afraid of nothing. (I think I’ll always hate unnecessary and unexpected noises and sudden movements, and I’m not sure that has nor will ever change.) But now, I say I’m scared multiple times a day.  I can’t be alone in a house for too long even during the day, and the things I am scared about are stupid, like making a phone …

Continue reading

Summer fun and family!

Yesterday some of our family from Mount Vernon, Kentucky came to visit us. 🙂 It was too short a visit, but some of us did make it down to the lake for some swimming. I brought my camera, and have been thinking about why I like taking pictures so much. Because I don’t just like it, I love it. Although I wish I could volunteer and/or be-a-mama-for-children-who-have-no-where-else-to-go for the rest of my life, I am trying to think of ways to bring in resources and okay—yep, here’s the word I dread—money. Because, to do what I want to do (which …

Continue reading

Community Unity: An Evening of Solidarity

It’s so hard to find time to write, but right now love is pulsing through me and I’ve been dancing around clapping with happiness all evening. Now I just need to write. Usually, I write when I’m either deeply troubled or overflowing with joy (and those two often go hand in hand). And that is certainly the case now. Right now, when I look one way, I see the sky on fire with gold and orange and red; when I look the other way, I see pink and blue clouds reflecting the light onto the still harbor, they are flying …

Continue reading

Category Archives

love